Over the years I’ve worked with talented women from all fields. Lawyers, doctors, office managers, engineers, you name it. But one thing that even the smartest and most hard-working\u00a0women have in common, is that they don’t know how\u00a0to say “No.”<\/p>\n

Lacking the skills of resistance can be costly, leading you to take on unreasonable workloads.\u00a0You don’t want to be stuck in the office at 9 p.m. on a Friday night while your friends are out having fun, all because you didn’t know how to say no.<\/em><\/p>\n

But by following a few simple rules, you\u00a0can solve this problem.<\/p>\n

1. Try the language of distance<\/strong>. “Time won’t permit that task to be completed now” (active voice) or “That task cannot be completed now” (passive voice).<\/p>\n

2. You can use the grammar of power<\/strong>, let them know what you think, and remain polite. Try these: “That [say, cursing] is unacceptable behavior.” Or, “Cursing makes people uncomfortable. Please don’t do it when I’m around.” Make sure to avoid the I\u00a0<\/em>statements in these situations. Don’t make it about yourself!<\/p>\n

3.\u00a0You can control your own schedule<\/strong> with the grammar of power: “Interruptions make it very difficult to concentrate. It would be helpful if you let me know you want to see me, and I’ll call you as soon as I complete this job.” Or, “My efficiency improves when there are no interruptions. Please\u00a0allow me to get this job completed\u00a0before we discuss the next one.”<\/p>\n

4. Say no powerfully.<\/strong> Make your words count by choosing powerful structures: “Please set the day’s priorities in the morning; that’ll help me do the jobs the way you want them.” Quick and to the point!<\/p>\n

5. Set the agenda. “This proposal demands my attention now; let’s plan 15 minutes next Thursday when we can meet.” Or, “To save time, please drop me a note on the topic. That’ll prepare me to discuss the matter when we meet.”<\/p>\n

Quick tips
\n<\/strong>-Replace weak with poewrful grammar
\n-Prefer action verbs
\n-Control distance
\n-Know when to use the passive as the voice of power
\n-Resist strongly, yet softly<\/p>\n

This post was adapted from Chapter 3 of How to Say it For Women<\/strong>.<\/em><\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Over the years I’ve worked with talented women from all fields. Lawyers, doctors, office managers, engineers, you name it. But one thing that even the smartest and most hard-working\u00a0women have in common, is that they don’t know how\u00a0to say “No.” Lacking the skills of resistance can be costly, leading you to take on unreasonable workloads.\u00a0You […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":147,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"om_disable_all_campaigns":false,"spay_email":"","footnotes":"","jetpack_publicize_message":"","jetpack_is_tweetstorm":false},"categories":[1],"tags":[],"jetpack_featured_media_url":"https:\/\/i2.wp.com\/phyllismindell.com\/wp-content\/uploads\/2017\/01\/Just-say-no-drawing.jpg?fit=906%2C736","jetpack_publicize_connections":[],"jetpack_sharing_enabled":true,"jetpack_shortlink":"https:\/\/wp.me\/p8jcdI-20","_links":{"self":[{"href":"http:\/\/phyllismindell.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/124"}],"collection":[{"href":"http:\/\/phyllismindell.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts"}],"about":[{"href":"http:\/\/phyllismindell.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/types\/post"}],"author":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/phyllismindell.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/users\/1"}],"replies":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/phyllismindell.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/comments?post=124"}],"version-history":[{"count":6,"href":"http:\/\/phyllismindell.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/124\/revisions"}],"predecessor-version":[{"id":165,"href":"http:\/\/phyllismindell.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/posts\/124\/revisions\/165"}],"wp:featuredmedia":[{"embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/phyllismindell.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media\/147"}],"wp:attachment":[{"href":"http:\/\/phyllismindell.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/media?parent=124"}],"wp:term":[{"taxonomy":"category","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/phyllismindell.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/categories?post=124"},{"taxonomy":"post_tag","embeddable":true,"href":"http:\/\/phyllismindell.com\/index.php\/wp-json\/wp\/v2\/tags?post=124"}],"curies":[{"name":"wp","href":"https:\/\/api.w.org\/{rel}","templated":true}]}}