The young woman's guide to the language of success
In 2011, David Brooks, in his New York Times column, asked that 70+ aged readers write their own life report cards. Some months later, I wrote my own as a possible first step toward an autobiography. Now, having turned 80, I’ve updated my report card …
Adapted from Chapter 1 of How to Say It for Women
“Why don’t more of us recognize the connection between language and power?”
~Julia Penelope
Five Ways “I” Statements Drain Your Power
1. They blame you when it’s someone else’s problem
I have a problem with my friend. She spreads nasty gossip about me.
Why is your friend’s nastiness your problem? Whose problem is it really? Is it the gossip? My friend’s gossip… or is it the friend? Jane’s gossip about me ….
I don’t have time to answer your message. If you want to answer why not say, Your message deserves a careful answer and it’ll come after I get home from work.
2. They hint that you don’t know what you’re talking about
I think I can do the job. Well, if you can do the job why not say so?
I think the exam was too tough … I think my average was highest in the class … I think you should stop bullying that kid. In every one of these, the “I think” suggests a fact is not a fact or is just your opinion — why would anyone listen to you?
3. They make you look childlike
Babies start life with only one focus: themselves. If they grow up (and not everyone does), they gradually grow capable of taking some distance and seeing the world the way it looks to other people or the way the facts show it to be. As they grow, they also see the world from someone else’s point of view and show empathy.
Instead of I don’t like that teacher, try That teacher doesn’t give us enough time to finish the work.
Instead of I see you look sad, try I know you felt bad about that.
4. They produce “touchy-feely” weak statements
I feel good about this project … I feel miserable when … I’d love to work here
5. They strip your leadership ability
I want you to … I insist you … I expect you to.
Do you find yourself beginning sentences with phrases such as “I was just wondering,” “I’d like to know,” or “I was hoping“? Weak phrases like these make you look slow and hesitant. Whether it’s in a meeting, an interview, or a conversation with a colleague, you …
Adapted from Chapter 10 of How to Say It for Women Whether online or in print, reading speeds your path to smarts. This section shows you how to master speed and deep reading, developing the skills that count. Based on several decades of research and experience …
Want to make a good impression on that new friend, client, professor, or colleague? To kick off a good conversation, these four words always work: “Tell me about yourself.”
They make you look confident and smart, while encouraging the other person to steer the conversation. Conversations starting this way always succeed, especially if you pay attention. It’s fine if you talk too. Just don’t make yourself the subject.
(Also try: “Tell me about your work.”)
A contentious problem was dropped in the lap of the new group manager. The issue not only wasn’t resolved but the team had been arguing angrily for weeks. So the next meeting, she started by asking everyone to stop talking about themselves or each other …
This simple rule changes your attitude and your life: never start a sentence with “I” unless talking about yourself. Use “I” sparingly, only for the few times you mean to talk about yourself. “I” statements drain your power by: Making you look childlike and immature Think about …
In a 1982 article for the Roeper Review, a gifted education journal, Dr. Mindell explores the practical problems of an unusually talented craftsman who is both dyslexic and epileptic, and whose school history is reviewed and evaluated. Click here to download “The gifted dyslexic: A case study with theoretical and educational implications.”
Over the years I’ve worked with talented women from all fields. Lawyers, doctors, office managers, engineers, you name it. But one thing that even the smartest and most hard-working women have in common, is that they don’t know how to say “No.” Lacking the skills of resistance …
